I couldn’t waste the sunshine so decided to visit Bourton-on-the-Water and Birdland today, the warmth of the sun was lovely to feel on my skin even if the air wasn’t that warm when in the shade. It was a nice relaxing day and I didn’t worry too much about taking pictures, I decided to take 5ml of Diazepam before leaving as I’m finding this relieves the ache I was getting in my chest when first up in the wheelchair, it could be that the cause is anxiety or just that Diazepam is a muscle relaxant as the ache did feel muscular to me.
I was a bit edgy all day, a hose popping out of the ventilator just as we entered Birdland and setting the alarm off didn’t help, I am fighting the anxiety most of the time when in my chair now, I can feel it bubbling up just waiting to grab me but I carry on. I do miss feeling completely safe and not worrying about the ventilator or my health like last year, I don’t miss the heartache and pain though so I guess this is probably better and how I must continue.
After Birdland we found Mum sitting with the dogs by the water, we rested a little then walked on to the end of the street and a chip shop. I decided I’d try a tiny bite of chip considering what SALT had told me, it was rather dry and I like seaside chips which aren’t at all brown so I wasn’t overly impressed, afterwards I pushed myself further and had a drink of Coke while sat in the chair and connected to the ventilator, I was very, very careful but drank more than I have done in years while sitting up, something to be proud of I guess.
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